Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
