Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
