I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
