Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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