She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
