Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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