If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize