Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
