I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
