i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
