things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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