She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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