Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
