Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
