if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
