made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
