He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
