You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I think I just shit out all my problems.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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