I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Randomize
