took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
