I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
4 words: hood of his car
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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