Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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