my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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