you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
