dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
