And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
