I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
My vagina just recognized that song.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
the liver wants what the liver wants
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
