Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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