why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
