Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
As shirtless as possible
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
