I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
