She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
