hotel room ftw
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
