Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
tonight lets celebrate not being married
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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