There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
