Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
