Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
