I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Everyone says I win the strip club
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
