im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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