Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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