While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I've blown a few things in my day
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
