i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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