just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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