I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
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I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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