now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
