I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
We don't watch enough power rangers
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize