apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
