Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
