I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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