so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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