there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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