someone threw a dead crab at me
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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