Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
