I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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