last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize