i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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