at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
