We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize