He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
