From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
