I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Randomize
