why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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