my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
