She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
