I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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