you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You made out with two different species that night
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
