i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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