Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
