Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
