had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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