Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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