if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
