Please don't use social media to get back at me.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
