Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
