God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize