in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
