Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
