Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
