who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
