Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
