We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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