Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
