dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
