I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Randomize
