summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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