from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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