Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
