I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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