help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
