Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
