I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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