Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
