Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize