One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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