my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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