Im at strip club and am horny
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
