Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Is it penis luge time yet?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
