Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
