Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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