that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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